wolfpurplemoon: a woman with long red hair wearing glasses and a deadpool t-shirt (wolfbiblemoon)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
The final three chapters of Deuteronomy, Moses is (finally) dead after singing a song that sums up the last few books and again predicts that the Israelites will rebel against God as soon as Moses dies.

So absolutely nothing new here, it's all stuff we've heard before, the SAB says that there is a theory that Moses himself wrote the first five books of the bible, but he therefore writes about his own death and burial, which would be difficult.

Tomorrow the Book of Joshua begins, a far easier book to spell!
wolfpurplemoon: a woman with long red hair wearing glasses and a deadpool t-shirt (wolfbiblemoon)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Ah, finally all the laws are at an end, I at least only have to read all that once, Moses says that once he is dead (he's already 120) the laws must be read out loud every seven years to the people, otherwise they'll forget them and go follow other gods instead. God predicts this will happen anyway, unless a song that starts in the next verse is sung.
wolfpurplemoon: a woman with long red hair wearing glasses and a deadpool t-shirt (wolfbiblemoon)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Only 2 chapters today because 28 is this massive list of terrible things that God will do to anyone who doesn't follow his rules. Seriously horrible things. You have to worry about a mind that can come up with those things as punishments for breaking even the most ridiculous of commandments.
wolfpurplemoon: a woman with long red hair wearing glasses and a deadpool t-shirt (wolfbiblemoon)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
A few bizarre rules regarding marriage, divorce, and the death of a husband.

* A newly-wed couple's honeymoon lasts for a year!

* If a woman intercedes when her husband and another man are fighting, then she should have her hand amputated.

* If a woman's husband dies, she must lie with her husband's brother and bear a child who will be named for her dead husband.

* Still they are being promised a land of milk and honey, are there no bees or cows/goats/sheep where they are now?
wolfpurplemoon: a woman with long red hair wearing glasses and a deadpool t-shirt (wolfbiblemoon)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
CSI: Israel would be a much shorter show than any actual CSI episode. When a body is found and the cause of death is unknown, the elders and priests have to slaughter a heifer and wash their hands and pretend they didn't see it.

If you take a liking to a woman who's city you are busy slaughtering, you can take her home and give her a month to get over the loss of her entire family before marrying and sleeping with her. But if you then decide you don't really like her much then just let her go no questions asked.

The punishment for rape depends on the location of the act (and it might not even be rape, depends on the marital status of the woman). In the city both the man and woman must be killed because the woman would have been overheard if she'd cried out. In the country just the man need die as the woman wouldn't be heard if she cried out. Sounds logical to me.

Rebellious sons must be stoned to death, but then one of the commandments was to honour your parents, so they had it coming I guess.

God really hates cross dressing, so no trousers for women, maybe?

God has some form of OCD, he really hates the mixing of things, different crops can't be planted together, an ox and an ass can't work together, and clothes can't be made of two materials.

Oh good, I finally have justification for not going to church (apart from the whole not believing any of it), bastards and their descendants to ten generations must not join the congregation. I have several ancestors with uncertain paternity or certain conception before marriage, looks like my whole family are off the hook there then!

Chapter 23 includes such gems as denying entry to the congregation to certain races, whores or sodomites, and to men who have injuries to their testicles or penis, how to become clean after a wet dream, how to go about burying your excrement (not for sanitation reasons, but because God might visit and see it) and instructions to only lend money to strangers. Seriously, I think God has ADD on top of his OCD, he can't stick to one subject for long at all, it's like he's got so much to say he's just getting it all out as he thinks of it.
wolfpurplemoon: a woman with long red hair wearing glasses and a deadpool t-shirt (wolfbiblemoon)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
A lot in these four chapters, but a lot of it has been said before.

* More intolerance for other beliefs and cultures: stone to death anyone with a different religious belief AND anyone who protests about the killing of these people.

* We have a chapter saying that witches, wizards, necromancers and astrologers (users of divination) are an abomination, so kill them. I agree with the dislike of astrologers, but death is a not the way to go about it.

* God is promising that a prophet will be coming who will say what God tells him to say (surely Moses has already been doing this for several books now) and you'll be able to tell this person is a true prophet as everything they say will come true of course. If they are a false prophet or a true prophet who lies about what God said then they will die.

* This stuff about having cities where people can flee if they kill someone is quite bizarre. It seems like some kind of horrible game of tag. If the 'slayer' accidentally killed someone and makes it to one of these safe cities before the relatives of the dead person catch them up then they are safe. If they don't then it's death to them.

* A crime or sin can't be reported unless there are at least two witnesses. Useful way of squirming out of allegations of child or sexual abuse. No wonder the Catholic church think they are justified in covering up after their child molesting priests.

* More grandiose verses about how God will assist the Israelites in slaughtering everyone currently living in the land God has given to his people. You can get out of army duty if you haven't dedicated your new house, eaten from your vineyard or consummated a new marriage. I guess a lot of people would have suddenly got married just when the draft was coming round.
wolfpurplemoon: a woman with long red hair wearing glasses and a deadpool t-shirt (wolfbiblemoon)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
I hope all this isn't boring anyone still reading this as much as the actual bible reading is boring me!

Here we have more lists of unclean animals that should not be eaten, and more misclassifying of these animals. God made all the animals but he thinks hares chew the cud, good to know he paid attention to his creation. Oh and you can feed animals that dropped dead to strangers but can't eat them yourself.

A sensible thing that God commands is that Judges should not accept gifts that could bias their neutral position, good to know God is against bribes (except for the things he demands the people give up to him as part of his protection racket)
wolfpurplemoon: a woman with long red hair wearing glasses and a deadpool t-shirt (wolfbiblemoon)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
More repetition of previous rules and events.

* If anyone comes along and claims to have miracles and visions that support another religious belief they should be put to death.

* Any other culture that worships different gods should not be tolerated but should be destroyed and everyone killed

* If a family member or friend tries to convince you to turn to another religion, kill them.

Yay for tolerance and understanding between people of different cultures and opinions.
wolfpurplemoon: a woman with long red hair wearing glasses and a deadpool t-shirt (wolfbiblemoon)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Moses is still recapping, now he's reminding us of when he got the ten commandments.

It seems that something that appeared to be artistic licence in the film The Ten Commandments was actually straight out the bible. In the film their clothes didn't appear to have worn as they should have done during their time in the wilderness, but the bible says that this was an act of God, he made their clothes stay perfect.
wolfpurplemoon: a woman with long red hair wearing glasses and a deadpool t-shirt (wolfbiblemoon)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
You know what we haven't had listed for a while? The Ten Commandments, better list them again for good measure.

God wants his people to fear him (or love him, either is fine, though he seems to prefer fear) and follow all his silly rules (for one thousand generations!) but in return they will be able to topple mighty cities (killing everyone and destroying their false idols, God is jealous of the other gods) and get their promised land as well as no disease and perfect fertility. God will also kill anyone who hates him, his jealousy and anger is terrible.

Something I've been pondering at this point is that while Heaven is mentioned at times, the only rewards God's people can currently look forward to for following God are earthly ones, and not dying violently and abruptly. And disease and death are the only punishments, no mention of Hell. The afterlife must be a later invention in this mythology.
wolfpurplemoon: a woman with long red hair wearing glasses and a deadpool t-shirt (wolfbiblemoon)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
You know what? This book would be so much shorter if they stopped recapping and repeating things that we only just read about in the previous chapters.

The main things Moses wishes us to be reminded about are that:
* The Israelites are great at slaughtering large numbers of people, 60 cities worth so far.
* God's rules are not to be added to or removed from, take note bible believing cherry pickers.
* The ten commandments, or the important one anyway (make no graven images, of course, which were you thinking of?) & the dire penalties for disobeying.
* God is jealous and angry and merciful (oh so much contradiction)
wolfpurplemoon: a woman with long red hair wearing glasses and a deadpool t-shirt (wolfbiblemoon)
[personal profile] wolfpurplemoon
Before we go any further, some recapping of the Israelites greatest hits and details of which lands God has promised to other descendants of characters from earlier in the bible where the Israelites aren't allowed to kill all the men, women and children and take the land for themselves. Though genocide is actively encouraged against the people that God doesn't like and he wants his people to be greatly feared in the region. Sounds like a terrorist to me.

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