wolfbiblemoon

Judas apparently didn't realise what his betrayal of Jesus would mean and tries to return the money he was paid before hanging himself.

Pilate tries to ask the crowd to allow him to pardon Jesus rather than another guy called Jesus, but the elders manage to convince the crowd to shout for Jesus' crucifixion. So Pilate says he's washing his hands of it and tells the crowd to take care of it themselves. But then has Jesus flogged & humiliated before leading him away for crucifixion.

Matthew seems to speed through events, or at least doesn't go into much detail at times, in one line Jesus' cross is being carried by another man, he's then forced to drink some bad wine and then just like that the cross has been set up with him on it. But then there is a lot more detail about what people shouted at Jesus to defame him (come down from there and maybe we'll believe in you), even the two criminals crucified either side of Jesus get a few abusive remarks in.

For three hours before Jesus dies there is darkness (in the middle of the day) and then when he dies there is a big earthquake, scaring a few people into wondering if he really was God's son.

A rich disciple of Jesus buries him in a new tomb and sealed it, a few women (two Marys and another) sat outside the tomb. The elders know about Jesus saying he'll be rising in three days so order the tomb to be guarded so noone can secretly take the body away and then claim he resurrected.

There is then another earthquake (what is the actual frequency of earthquakes in Jerusalem?) and an angel tells the women to tell Jesus' disciples to meet him in Galilee and when they are on their way to take this message they run into Jesus and he tells them the same thing. The guards are paid off by the city elders to say that the disciples came and stole the body.

And finally, Jesus tells the remaining eleven disciples to baptise everyone from all nations in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit and to instruct them to obey everything Jesus has said. He'll be with them always until the end of the age (which age?)

It seems that Jesus is predicting the end times as occurring during the lifetimes of his disciples, as he tells them not to be alarmed when it comes. Well, the constant failure in predicting the end of the world had to start somewhere I guess.

False prophets and messiahs will come and perform great signs to deceive, and you can tell the difference between them and Jesus how?

If heaven and earth pass away, how can Jesus' words endure? There won't be anything left to hold them surely.

Actually Jesus doesn't know when the end times will be, you've just got to be always ready for them. What an exhaustingly negative thought to be constantly holding on to.

God won't let you in to heaven if you had to pop out to buy some oil for your lamp at the moment he took everyone, so you must stay alert.

What does God have against goats? Or at least why do they represent the people who didn't give anything to the needy while sheep are the people who did. I'd rather be a goat than a sheep (I think I saw that written somewhere once, I guess I just found out why someone came up with that!)

Ok, I'm all for treating people equalling and fairly, but if you worked for 12 hours and someone else worked for 1 hour you would be well within your rights to complain if they got paid the same as you for the whole day, equal in this case would be the same amount per hour worked. The unions would love Jesus.

Jesus hasn't got the power to grant shotgun rights to anyone who wants to sit next to him in heaven.

Jesus decides to make an entrance when he arrives at Jerusalem, riding on a donkey with crowds shouting his praises and scattering branches on the road. He then evicts the market set up on the steps of the temple because they are defiling his house of prayer.

Jesus gets unnecessarily annoyed with a fig tree that happened to not be bearing fruit, he curses it and it dies. If he hadn't evicted the market traders then he could've had a meal and not been so hungry that he was moody.

Jesus asks the leaders some riddles in parable form because they questioned his authority, their answers seem to condemn them. They want to arrest him but fear his groupies.

Jesus defends his disciples not washing their hands when they eat (if that was a command from God it was a very valid one) by pointing out that the people aren't killing their children for disobeying their parents, he also has some strange ideas about what defiles a person and basic biology. Apparently what you eat just passes through you, and not washing your hands can do you no harm (E.coli anyone?). You can however be defiled by the bad things that come from your heart and out your mouth.

Jesus refuses to help a woman who isn't of Israel until she proves her faith by effectively calling herself a dog begging for scraps.

Jesus feeds another four thousand (not counting the women and children again) with a few loaves and fishes, strangely the disciples didn't seem to expect it a second time.

Jesus treats his followers like they are incredibly stupid, he insists on talking in parables and expecting them to understand, they realise they forgot their bread and he warns them against the yeast of the Pharisees so naturally they assume he means actual yeast and not the teachings of those people.

Jesus starts telling the disciples that he is going to die, which upsets Peter, Jesus reassures them that they'll see his return in their lifetimes.

It gets a bit busy up on a mountain that Jesus takes Peter, James and John to, a few dead prophets pop by and God talks from a cloud and Jesus becomes shiny.

The disciples don't have enough faith to heal people and cast out demons.

Jesus is asked to pay a tax, and he asks Peter who kings collect their taxes from, their own people or foreigners, apparently the answer is foreigners, which sounds like a strange way to collect tax. Jesus tells Peter to catch a fish which will have the money they need to pay the tax.

John the Baptist is in prison but sends his own followers to find out what this Jesus guy is all about, and whether he's for real. Jesus says to tell John that he's healing all sorts of people, and also tells everyone that John is Elijah. Jesus also says that the people don't like John because he doesn't socialise, and they don't like Jesus because he'll socialise with just about anyone.

Jesus then tells a couple of cities where he healed some people that he's really disappointed in them for not following him yet, they will get the same treatment as cities that were destroyed for their sin in the Old Testament if they don't wise up.

That didn't sound like it was going to go well for a moment, Jesus invites the people to come and rest because they are weary and burdened, he then tells them to carry his yoke, but luckily he then clarifies that his yoke is easy to carry and not heavy.

Jesus justifies breaking the rules of the Sabbath, apparently some other people did it before in the OT and they were fine, his accusers also say that it is illegal to heal people on the Sabbath, but he does it anyway so they go and plot his death. Jesus starts laying low, while being followed by crowds, healing people and telling them not to let anyone know he's there.

So they accuse him of being able to cast out demons because he has power from a demonic source (Sam from Supernatural anyone?), Jesus says this is ridiculous because Satan wouldn't cast out Satan (I dunno, if a demon was trying to get people to follow it for nefarious means he might cast out a few of his friends to appear good).

Oh the verse that was the premise for The Blasphemy Challenge from a few years ago, Matthew 12:32, denying the power of the holy spirit (like these people who claim that he's using demonic power and not the power of the holy spirit) is totally and forever unforgivable, um, oops!

Jesus' incredibly black and white view of humanity means that he sees people as either evil or good and says that nothing good could come from an 'evil' person. I don't think it's as simple as that.

Jesus rejects his mother and brothers when they come to see him, he prefers his disciples to his blood family, because they do the will of God.

We should not judge others without considering our own faults first, seems reasonable. Also, treat others as we would expect to be treated, again also reasonable. These make far better commandments rather than all that stuff that is usually called the commandments. Do unto others is the basic rule of morality, you don't want to die, be a slave, have your stuff taken, be tortured, live in fear, or be attacked in any way, so therefore don't do them to others. It's simple, obvious and you don't need religion to know it's right.

All that good is sort of ruined with a promise that if you ask God you will receive and if you seek him you will find him, so no God-believer ever went hungry, lost a child or died in desperation?

False prophets are as dangerous and deceitful as a wolf in sheep's clothing. But you won't spot them by their badly fitted woollen jackets but by their bad fruit. Can't we choose a metaphor and stick to it?

The crowds are thoroughly amazed at Jesus' speech about the wisdom of building a house on rock versus a foolish house built on sand, I suppose they are amazed because sand is about all they have round there.

Jesus wanders about healing people, including a servant who he heals without visiting him & Peter's mother-in-law who immediately makes them some food. He also drives out demons from people who are possessed (Jesus was the first exorcist?) he sends some demons into a herd of pigs who then run into the lake and drown. Understandably, the local people ask him to leave, they're out of pigs now.

After a lineage from Abraham to Joseph, we find out that Joseph isn't Jesus' father because Mary got pregnant before they were married. An angel tells Joseph not to leave her because it was the holy spirit that got her pregnant, as Joseph thought the obvious to start with. They get married and wait till after Jesus is born before having marital relations.

Some wise men come to visit Jesus because they saw a star, which seems to be guiding them to the house he was born in, unfortunately the star didn't lead them there directly because they popped by at King Herod's first and told him all about the child with the big destiny that the star had told them about. King Herod then wants to kill the baby because of the prophecy, so Joseph takes Mary and Jesus to Egypt where they wait for Herod to die, but not before Herod angrily killed all the babies in Bethlehem.

John the Baptist baptises people in water, which isn't something anyone's ever been told to do before now.

Satan isn't very good at the temptation thing, he dares Jesus to turn rocks into bread, to jump off a building, and offers him all the kingdoms if he worships him. He doesn't do persuasion really and just leaves, he could take some lessons from Jesus, he's able to make fishermen abandon their livlehood with about 10 words.

Jesus heals a bunch of people, and he gains groupies and crowds follow him wherever he goes.